Alexis & Hunter

Day 46

2012-01-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

Its 2012. A new year. With new possibilities. New hopes. New dreams. It doesnt even feel real. Jan 1st was so incredibly hard! I cant imagine that a new year has begun and you're not in it. I feel like i'm in this weird state of disbelief. I almost called you on Jan 1 to ask you what you did on NYE! How horrible. But for that brief moment, you were still here. For that milisecond, I thought I could just pick up the phone and give you a call and catch up! And then i remembered. Devastation crept back in, and I fell apart. I miss you so much! Its not right. This is not how your life was supposed to turn out! This is not how life is supposed to be! It should not be you that died that night!! You should be here, with your family. We need you here! We dont know how to function with out you. And speaking of functioning... I just have to say, I absolutely HATE it when people tell me how "Strong I am". They come up to me in the hospital and they say, "Wow Alexis, you are so strong. If that was my brother, I could not even function, and you.. you're back at work already!! So amazing. you are so strong." But what it feels like they are saying is..."you heartless bitch, didn't you love your brother at all?!" I really hate it when people say that to me! It's like a knife in my heart.

Jan 2 was my 3rd wedding anniversary. And I'm so glad you were my best man! I know everyone thought it was strange that I picked my 2 brothers to be my attendants, and i remember, Elliott wasn't all that thrilled about it either. But to have you and Elliott stand next to me on that day, was so special to me. I tried to celebrate our anniversary yesterday and make it a nice day for hunter. But I kept thinking about you. About the toast you gave at the reception. About how you made that funny face when he said Kiss the Bride. How you and Elliott jumped off the stage and high fived like the end of some 80's movie as we walked out of the church. I have secretly wished that I had started a tradition with my wedding and somehow we would all be eachother's best man. Like Elliott would be yours and then I would be Elliott's or something like that. You know, keep that role in the family. And even though you didn't throw me a bachelorette party, I wouldnt have held that against you. I would have thrown you the most awesome bachelor party!!! You know we would have gone to Vegas!!!

Today was the start of a new rotation: Neuro/Optho. over the break, I thought I would be ready this time, to go back to work. Nope. It was still hard. I just wanted to back to Greenwood and be with mom and dad and elliott. I kept thinking about them all day. I feel like i am abandoning them by coming back to Little Rock. I feel like they need me. And I'm not trying to make my self sound like this all important person that fixes everything, its just our little family has been shattered, and it feels like we need to all stay close together, to hang on, and it feels like that cant happen while i'm in LR. It makes me feel so disconnected. I talk to Elliott and he tells me that last night he and dad rewired the cable in his room so they could hang his TV on the wall. They had this whole evening of bonding time, real Father-son time and while I'm so happy for them. I really think they both needed that right now. But I feel jealous, like i've missed out on this family moment. While I'm at the hospital asking people if they've pooped today! ( Ugh. FYI I really dislike that part of the job) But I want us to be a family, but in our grief, it just feels like we are 4 people floating around in space, next to eachother, but not really together, not really hanging onto eachother, And when we talk, it feels fake. Like we are walking on egg shells around eachother, trying so hard not to upset the other person, so we just stay superficial. And I hate it!! I want my family to hold me. To tell me that one day, we will get through this. And I dont mean get over it. I wont ever ever ever get over this loss! But that we will get through it. But, that family bond will take time to reform i guess. Hunter is here. He holds me. And He's doing an amazing job. He has had to put up with a lot from me. I have done/said some really horrible things to him and he has just been there. As mom would say, he has been my soft place to land. I dont know what i would have done without him. But even though i have hunter, i still long for my family to reunite into some form of my family. Not go back to the way it was, because I know it can never be that way and I dont want it to. I'm rambling. And i'm not sure if i'm making any sense.

one more thing, I just have to say what a great friend Rachel Lowe has been to me. She texts me almost everyday to let me know she's thinking of me, she's praying for me, or she asks how she can pray for me!! when i get those texts, i have this sigh of relief, knowing that someone out there is asking God to help me. Her encouragement and support has truly been a blessing. If you sent her to me, which I'd like to think you did, I really needed that...Thanks!

Goodnight Bubba. I love you!

Day 30

2011-12-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

One Month. You have been gone one month.

And it still hurts. Friday was my last day of work. I started crying during my quiz. It was awkward, but I couldnt stop it. I know everyone around was thinking, "what is she doing?" But I just couldnt help it. Then I practically ran home, curled up in a ball on the floor and cried for 2 hours!! So many emotions. It just not fair!! You should be here with us, and that loser in the other car should be the one that's gone!! I miss you so much. I want to text you and call you and see how your day is going. I want to get those funny pics that you always send us when you're people watching at Wal-Mart.

Mom, Dad, Elliott, and Kristen are coming to my house today. I'm so excited to see the family. I've not seen them in 2 weeks. I've had to be at work so much. I really need to be around them right now. We are leaving tomorrow for Cancun. The trip that we had been planning for months is finally here. We gave your ticket to Kristen. I know you would want her to go in your place. I know you would want us to go and have some family time. You always put family first. But none of us really want to go. But I do want to get away. I mean it doesnt feel like Christmas without you anyway. I dont have my tree up, i dont have any decorations up. I know how much you would have loved Cancun. You love being in the sun and water. you love having adventures. And this will be an adventure. You know, this is Dad's first time outside of the country!! First time to ever use a passport! It would have been your first time too, right? I tried to get you to go to Germany with me. I really wish you had. At the time, i was thinking, there will be time later, but there wasnt. There's no time. Dont waste anymore time! That's another reason why i want us to still go on the trip. Life is so short, and I dont want to miss another thing.

I guess that's the stage of grief i'm in. Although, i dont think that's part of the 5 stages, but I want to eat what I want, do what I want, say what i want because apparently, it can all be over at any time. Calories?? Who cares. just do what you want! Gain 10 lbs! Who cares, cause I may not be here tomorrow, so what does it matter if I take care of my body. But on the flip side of that, I dont feel like having fun. I dont feel like enjoying life either, because it feels wrong since you're not here to enjoy things with me. We had a Christmas party to go to this weekend, but we didnt go. Neither of us was really in the dancing mood. It feels wrong to have fun, to smile, to enjoy things. So it also feels wrong to go on the trip.

Vicki keeps telling me that if i just open my heart, I will be able to hear you, to feel your presence. I am trying, but I just feel empty. She says, that if i really listen, I will hear you telling me that you're not suffering, your in a place where you are so happy, and you're looking down on us wanting us to not grieve forever, but to remember all you're happy memories and enjoy the time we have here together. I'm trying to hear you. I'm really trying.

One Month.

Day 21

2011-12-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

I had a dream about you last night. Actually I had 2 dreams. The first one: You, me, hunter, elliott, and ryan were all on top of Pinnacle Mountain. We were having a great time, enjoying the beautiful view, when you decided to start playing around. You were jumping from large rock to large rock, when suddenly you fell off. You didnt fall far, but you hit your head and you were bleeding. We all climbed down to rescue you but the bleeding was so extensive. We were able to get you back to the top and somehow ryan's car was there. Hunter carried you to the car where he placed your head in my lap so I could hold pressure as we drove to the hospital. I kept telling you it would be ok and you just looked deep into my eyes. Either I woke up, or i dont remember the ending, either way, it was upsetting. I laid there for a while before I fell back asleep. The next dream, we were at a church for a wedding. I was on stage at this wedding, when I saw you sitting on the front row. i ran down to you and we started talking. I was so happy to see you. You looked great. You looked happy. then someone on stage started calling my name because i had interrupted the wedding. I turned around to tell them to leave me alone, Cant you see my brother is here!!! when i looked back to you, you were gone. I keep trying to remember what you told me, But i cant. why cant I hear it again??? Was this you really coming to visit me?? Were you telling me happy things, were you telling me that were gonna be ok? Were you telling me something important! were you giving me instructions?? A.C., i dont remember!! You have to come back and tell me again! PLEASE!!

Hunter and I take our final tomorrow. I have been studying all day...Sort of. Its hard to care about this right now. I want to do well on the test... for you... but its hard to find the motivation, because on the grand scheme of things, it feels like this test doesnt really matter. And probably it doesnt. I'm worried about mom and dad. mom decided to clean out the garage this week. Seriously clean it. You know how bad it is. She got a dumpster brought to the house and started throwing all of dad's hoarding away. You know dad was about to have a heart attack. I mean, sure, it needed to be done...one day. But i dont think it needed to be done today, and certainly not in that way. I hope dad is going to be ok. i think he is trying so hard to be strong for mom, that he's not getting to express his emotions. I think we are all trying to be strong for mom. But I'm not sure how well mom is doing. When i call her, she will only talk to me for a few minutes. it bothers me, because i want her to have a real conversation with me. I want her to ask me how i'm doing for real! I want talk about you and how sad i am, but i feel that that's not what she wants to hear, so I dont tell her. I just tell her about my day, and try not to make it sound as pathetic as i feel. They also bought you a car today!! A red Chevy Cruze. You would love it. Its really nice. I know mom is just reaching for anything she thinks will ease her pain. But i know this wont do it. Nothing will do that! only you. I wish you could just tell me what to do!

It still doesnt feel real. I have your picture as my background on my computer, and when i look at it, I go into complete denial. Sometimes, i tell myself that you are not really gone, and i imagine you traveling for work. I have this picture in my mind, you have on a red tie, your sleeves rolled up, your aviator sunglasses on, and you are at a job site, taking measurements and writing down facts and figures and making sketches. and you are in an area with bad cell reception and that's why we cant talk to you right now. But you will call us when you can. And you tell us of all the fun adventures you are having with your job. The job you loved so much.

Please come back and visit me. Tell me what to do, because I'm drowning down here. Tell me how to take care of mom and dad. Tell me how to be a wife again. Tell me what to do for Elliott. Tell me how to not be angry. Tell me what i'm supposed to do now?! and please just give me some comfort. Let me know that you are ok, that you're happy. Tell me that there was a purpose in you leaving us so young! Tell me that you love me, and that you know I love you. Tell me you forgive me. And please just come back and let me see your smile again.

Good night Bubba. I love you.

Day 17

2011-12-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it one full week at work. I dont mean it to sound like an accomplishment. Everyday was a struggle. I did not want to get out of bed every morning. I really just want to lay there and feel sorry for myself. I dont think that is too much to ask. Then I would have to walk the halls everyday at the hospital and wonder "what am I doing here?!" I talked to the Dean about taking a Leave of absence. he said that I had that opportunity. But mom and dad really want me to finish the semester. They keep saying, "AC was so proud of you being a Doctor, he wouldn't want this to stop you." So I keep going, not for you, bubba, but for them. Maybe it gives them something to hold onto right now? Maybe not? I really hate being there, especially the ICU. One, because I was in the ICU when mom called me that morning. And Two, because i look around at all those people hooked up to monitors and I keep thinking, "why do they deserve to be here?" "Why cant that be you in that bed?" It makes me angry and sad to be there. It makes me angry and sad to go round on my patients each morning and listen to them bitch and moan about how much their life sucks right now because they cant eat solid foods for 2 days after surgery, or because they cant go smoke their cigarette, or listen to nurses gripe about how annoying patients are. I just want to yell at them to shut up, I want to tell them what a real bad time I'm having right now. I think we should bring back the tradition of wearing all black when you are in mourning, just so people will know what state i'm in and watch what they say around me.

Hunter and I went home this weekend. We were going to go to your house and get all your stuff. But, by the time hunter and I made it to Greenwood, mom and Dad were gone. They went there alone to get your clothes. Mom has been desperately looking for your baby blanket. You hid it really well. Greg said he saw it one time at his house. That weekend he brought the family down to AR. That was the same weekend we went to the lake with Brian and Samantha. He said his girls found it and were teasing you?? So mom and dad searched all over Greg's house but couldnt find it. While they were gone, Hunter and i searched your room and still nothing. Mom just seemed so depressed and kept saying that she would feel better if we could find your blanket. Saturday, Hunter and Dad went back to your house to get the tv and couch. While they were gone, I looked in the attic, the game room, mom's closet, my closet, elliott's closet, the hall closet with our ski stuff?? under your mattresses, thru your drawers, in your shoes, in keepsake boxes, in the old Xbox box on top of your closet and nothing. I kept calling out to you all weekend to just show me where you hid it. I know its silly, but I even hoped I would have some sort of divine intervention and you would come to me in a dream and reveal the location and the next morning i would walk right up to the blanket and present it to mom and dad and for a second, one small second, they would be happy. I am trying so hard to comfort them, but I feel like nothing i'm doing is working. I am even calling everyone everyday and texting them throughout the day to let them know I'm thinking of them. (even tho they dont call me everyday, trying not to be bitter about that) But I feel so inadequate. I feel like a failure. There's nothing I can say or do to make it right, because i know there is nothing anyone can say to me right now. Sunday, mom decided you needed new bedding. Something more masculine i guess? The one that was on your bed had a tear in it and really, i think she just wanted you to have something nice. So we went to Kohl's and got you this grey comforter. I think it goes nicely with your black bed and grey/blue walls. Also, mom has people coming to the house tomorrow to hang your tv on the wall in your bedroom. I think a 46" tv in your bedroom is a little excessive. We all tried to convince mom that it should go in the living room, but she wouldn't hear of it. So, this massive tv is hanging in your room. You would have loved it. We drove home around 430. My heart aches to leave them. I worry about them. About what happens when no one is there. They are alone with their grief in the quiet house staring at eachother. What do they say? What do they do? Are they fighting? Are they crying?

Hunter and I got into a huge fight the other day. The biggest fight we've had in years. I say we, when it was really me lashing out at him. I said some horrible things A.C. you would be so ashamed of me. I told him that he wasn't taking care of me, I told him that he was expecting me to carry him through this. I told him that it was my turn to grieve and that I didnt care about his feelings right now. I told him how I hate hearing about what a great time he's having at work everyday and that he's selfish. And more other really bad bad things that i'm too embarassed to admit right now. I even broke my travel coffee mug! I'm so embarrassed. And while it was happening, It was as if I didnt know what was going on. These words were just pouring out of my mouth and he just sat there on the couch, quietly letting me do it. After about an hour, i was exhausted and I fell to the ground sobbing. My heart breaking as I replayed the previous encounter in my mind. How could I say those things to him. He's been such a rock for me. He really has stepped up to the plate and carried me through this. I think that I had been working so hard to hold my emotions in at work for 8 hours a day, that maybe i just snapped and all my emotions: anger, saddness, fear, bitterness, grief just exploded onto Hunter. I have apologized everyday for my outburst. He says he is not mad at me. He says, he understands what I'm going through (which he does). He says that he knows why this is happening, because when someone is hurting, you want to know that those around you are hurting too. He says that this wont be the last time I take my emotions out on him. I dont want to be hateful. I dont want to hurt him! I feel so horrible for this fight, or whatever it was. He really has been so good to me.

Sunday night, at around 10 pm. Mom texts me: I found the blanket. Apparently, she got this urge to take down some of your yearbooks from the shelf in your closet, and there it was! All scrunched up behind your yearbooks. I tore your closet apart not once, not twice, but 3 times, and i never thought to look behind your yearbooks?? why would you hide it there?? But I'm so relieved to know that she found it. Maybe you put it there so she would be the one to find it. I keep trying to find hidden meaning and symbols in everything that has happened so far. Maybe I shouldn't? Either way, it is safe now.

Monday, Today was a gloomy, rainy day. Perfect for staying in bed and being lazy. And thats just how I kept picturing you all day. Laying in bed, all warm and cozy with your electric blanket, eating a pop tart and watching cartoons. So silly, a grown man, watching cartoons. But that was you! I had a really hard time getting through the day. I was thinking about you so much, so I called MADD. I think I want to get involved somehow. I want the whole family to be involved! I found a list of the 5Ks they have in neighboring states, but none in AR!!! Well, we'll just have to change that now wont we! And you know this time next year, the first AR Walk like MADD 5K is going to be led by me!

Good night Bubba! I love you!

Day 11

2011-11-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

I went back to work yesterday. Everyone keeps telling me that this is the right thing to do. "It'll take your mind off things." "Get back to your routine, it will help you move on." BullShit! I dont want to get my mind of things and I sure as hell dont want to "move on". I want to lie in my bed and think of you. I hate myself while i'm at work. I feel like I'm running out on you. I feel that I'm leaving you. But Mom and Vicki keep saying that "A.C. would want you to keep going, he was so proud of you becoming a doctor." I know you were. But that doesn't make the hurt stop. And I know I'm useless at work. People talk to me and I cant remember what they told me to do. I read my textbook, but then I dont remember what I read. I feel like I'm trying so hard to make it through the day, but I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I want to go home and be with mom and dad and help them or at least just feel the comfort of being at home. But I think maybe they dont want me home so that they can have the freedom to grieve in their own way. Maybe they feel that they wouldnt be able to show all their devastation because they might feel they have to be strong for me??? At least thats what I keep telling myself.

I hate being at work because I look at all these people, drug addicts, child abusers, moochers, criminals, etc. and I think I'm spending my day helping these people and its people like this that are the reason you are not here.

I miss you so much. I have this pain in my heart. and people keep telling me that everyday it will get a little easier. What does that even mean?! How could I want it to get easier!! because that would mean it has reached a point where it is easy to live without you and that just cannot be possible! I dont ever want it to be that way!

People started putting up Christmas decorations. I love Christmas and there is this part of me that really wants to put up the tree and play Christmas music so, just for a moment, i can pretend that everything is ok. But I know it wont be the same without you. I am so thankful for last Christmas, when we all decided to skip out on the big family reunion and just stay home and play Apples to Apples. What great memories!

You're funeral was amazing. The church was packed. You touched so many people in so many ways. With your endless kindness and generosity. Everyone wore red since that is your favorite color. And we sent you off with your poptarts and your Wired and Rolling Stone Magazine. Dad gave you his pocket knife (the one I bought him in Switzerland). Elliott also made sure you have your Sig Ep pins. And I put you the red tie I bought you from Italy. You would have been so proud of Elliott. As I was watching him speak, It was as if he aged about 10 years while standing behind that pulpit. I feel like for the first time I didnt see him as my baby brother but as a Man. He spoke of the Easter story and he spoke about what a great brother you are. Always forgiving him and encouraging him to be his best. That's what you did for everyone.

I hope you know how much i love you! I fear that you may not know how proud I am to be your sister. You are so important to me and I wanted you to have the World because you deserve it. I know Elliott and I always joked about you being the Favorite child, but that's just because we know that deep down you truly are a better person than we are.

I love you so much!

Priss

Made it to 3rd Year!

2011-09-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! I really thought this day would never come, but now that I'm here, It feels like only yesterday I was starting this journey. Well, I know you are all wondering.... STEP is over and we both passed!!! We really want to thank you all for your prayers through that very difficult time in our lives. It really was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. This summer we studied 12 hrs a day (sometimes more) 6 days a week for 5 weeks. I lost 10 lbs due to my chronic diarrhea and stress ulcer that prevented me from eating. I cried almost every day! I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a patient and loving Husband. Seriously, a lesser man would have left me!!! But he held my hand and got me through it! And now we are officially in 3rd year and spending all day in the hospital on rotations. I wish I could share some stories of things that have happened to me at work, but due to Patient Confidentiality Laws (aka. HIPPA) I cannot. But here are some things I can share:

First Day of School Picture... Dont we look so cute!!

1st Rotation: Psychiatry at NLR VA. I'll be honest. I was really nervous about starting Psych. I didnt know what to expect. Would people be talking to figments of their imagination?? Would they be violent?? Would there be padded walls and straight jackets???

This is the picture of the student office where we saw patients. Looks legit, right?!

But.. See the red button? That's the panic button! So when I asked, "Will I need to use the panic button?" The physician responds, "oh no, that's just incase. We've never had a med student get hurt here, but I've only been here for 2 years!" Ok, Now I'm panicking!

I was very nervous. But, it really wasnt that bad. I did see schizophrenia and psychosis and bipolar and all sorts of things. But I learned that sometimes the one's with serious mental illness are more afraid of you then you are of them. I mean if you heard a voice telling you that you were going to die or go to hell everyday, wouldn't you be scared?? So I think my eyes were really opened and I realized that Mental Illness isnt scary. and these patients suffer from other medical problems that often get overlooked due to their mental illness, such as pain or insomnia, or infections. I learned that psychiatrists really are special people and have a heart to speak for those who often cant speak for themselves.

I also really enjoyed Psych because it was a nice intro into 3rd year. The days were really light. I usually got done around 2 or 3pm. I was able to get all of my reading done! It was nice. Now onto OB/GYN. Long days! But, you know I love it! More updates to come!

STEP and finishing M2 year

2011-05-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I dont think anyone reads this, but I've decided to try to keep up with this thing! I've had a lot of anxiety lately about the year ending and moving on to the next STEP in my life. And my mom suggested I keep a journal to help me sort thru all my emotions! So I guess I'll just do it here.

So yes, as the title suggests, we have finished M2 year! Thank you Jesus!!! Although, we cannot officially be called Third years until we take STEP. More on that later. So we are kind of in this Purgatory. And yes, I do think that Purgatory is a fitting description. Why? Because we are stuck in this 5 weeks cram session trying to relearn everything from the past 2 years. Our days consist of waking up at 6 am and studying like a mad person until we go to bed. Its gonna be a LOOOONNNNGGGG 5 weeks. Why are we doing this you ask? STEP

What is STEP:
Ok, so basically in order to become a doctor, we have to take a few tests to prove we actually know what we are talking about. There are 3 of them and they are called STEP 1, STEP 2, and STEP 3. STEP 1 consists of all the knowledge we should have learned over the past 2 years. The problem is that our school (along with all other med schools) taught us what they wanted to teach us. But some panel of MDs somewhere all got together to make a test over stuff they feel we should know. And sometimes that material doesnt quite match up.

**Somehow the rest of this post got deleted?? and I dont remember what I wrote last time, so I'll just summarize:

STEP 2 - we take during our 3rd or 4th year. It is broken up into 2 parts: Clinical Skills and Clinical Knowledge. The skills part is an acting test where we are graded on our interaction with pretend patients.
STEP 3- I dont remember when we take it. Maybe during residency.

So why am I so stressed out about this test. Well, it kind of determines what we will do with the rest of our lives. Its kind of like if the ACT not only determined if you got into college, but also determined what degree program you qualified for!!

So thats it. For the next 5 weeks we are locked away in our house, reading for 12 hours a day (including saturdays!) Trying to relearn everything we should know, and teach ourselves everything we dont know or didn't learn already. June 11th is the big day!

So if you are the praying kind, please say some for Hunter and I -- We'll need them!

Bye Buddy

2011-02-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm sad to say that on Monday we lost our family pet, Buddy. He was a 6 year old Yorkie who was very much part of the family. He was a very good dog and we loved him very much!

We were all so upset that we all started the hunt for a new puppy. Using the classifieds, I was able to find a very nice lady out of Hector, AR. She met me in Conway Tuesday afternoon and we picked up the newest member of our family.

This is .... Well, we dont have a name picked out yet. He is a 6 week old Yorkie and weighs about 2 lbs. Elliott met me in Conway and took him home to meet the rest of the family last night. Everyone was really excited!

Eye Clinic

2011-01-31T13:47:00.000-08:00

Finally something to write about. Usually when my family and friends ask me about school I dont really have much to say. Wake up. Study. Go to class. Come home. Study. Eat Dinner. Study. Go to Bed. Repeat! But today, we had eye clinic. This block is over the Central Nervous System and the Eye. So this afternoon we all got to meet at the Jones Eye Center at UAMS and look into eachother's eyes.

By the way, Opthalmoscopes are harder to use than you would think. But now we have one dilated eye and it makes it really hard to study in the bright lights of the library. So we are at home sitting at the kitchen table with the blinds partially open, laptop backlights dimmed, trying to focus!! :) This should be fun!

P.S. What I learned today:
Get your kids eyes checked before they are 7, some damage may be able to be corrected if detected early!

SNOW DAY!!!

2011-01-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

Snow is actually hitting me in the eye right now!

This is Ruie's "You cant make me come in!" face

Trying to find the ball

We'll Hold hands and Then we'll go ice skating!!!

2011-01-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

Ice Rink set up at the River Market!

Hunter Skating Backward... I know... its sickening how he's good at everything!!!

And yes, I do skate with my butt sticking out!

Looking classy by the snow people

A.C.s Graduation

2010-12-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of my Bubba! This saturday he graduated from Arkansas Tech with a Bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering and an Associates degree in Nuclear Technology. Congrats Bubba!!!!

Here he is being recognized for being an Honors student:

Here he is being recognized for graduating with Magna Cum Laude:

Well, 2 down, one more to Go!!!!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

This year, Hunter and I hosted Thanksgiving with my side of the family at our house!

Yea, I had to put up our Christmas Decorations!!

We turned Hunter's desk into a buffet!

Ahhhh, the post-Thanksgiving coma!

I guess it was good, because we all ate till we were stuffed!

so sweet.....

Halloween Party

2010-11-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

Well, Little Rock did Trick or Treating on Sunday Night. Hunter and I were really excited about handing out candy this year. It was so cute seeing all the kids in their costumes. Unfortunately, we had a test on monday, so we had to study. But you know me, I can study anywhere. Here's me sitting by the front door reading my Pathology notes, waiting for the kids!

Monday night after the test, we had a class party. I was Flo from the Progressive commercials and Hunter was Where's Waldo. Here we are w/ Popeye and Olive Oil

2 Flos!!!!

Sean was an old guy, he even handed out hard candies!! He's next to Bob Ross!

You can see Hunter really got into Character

Kiss!!

Some 80's couple

Happy Halloween!!!!

Mud Run!

2010-10-25T20:49:00.000-07:00

This year Hunter and I ran in the Little Rock Mud Run!

We had an Awesome time, as you will see, part of the race is to show up in costume.

Our classmates formed a team and came as zombies.

Suzanne and I did not dress up, but still had a great time!

Zombie class of UAMS

Rock, Paper, Scissors:

I think they were getting tired of chasing people.

Oh, and the race included 2 obstacles. I forgot to take a picture of the first one,

which was a tunnel you had to squat/walk thru. This was a balance beam

as you can see, some people did not do the obstacles...Losers!

Leaping into the Mud Pit!

The Mud Pit Finish Line!!

Leap Frogging thru the Mud Pit

Human Pyramid in the Mud Pit

We had a great time! Can't wait for next year!!!

Head for the Cure, Kansas City

2010-08-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend we traveled to Kansas City to participate in Head for the Cure, an organization that supports brain cancer research. We had an awesome time. We were so excited to have more people this year. Last year it was just me, Hunter, McKinzie and Alex.

Saturday night Team Robin ate at Buca de Beppo to Carb load before the race! Ha Ha!

Team Robin before the race!
The Runners: Ed and Jo, Jessica, Cindy, Seth, Hunter, Alex, and Mr. Jeffrey

The Walkers: Me, McKinzie, Samantha, Julia, Karma, and Mrs. Jeffrey

Hunter and McKinzie and Kale (in the belly)

The Family (insert Brian!)

The Start of the race!

I was trying to get a picture of the runners on our team, but only got Hunter. Sorry guys!

After finishing the race, Hunter came back to take a picture of the walkers, so we pretended to be jogging!

We made it to the finish!

It was a great turnout. 4500 people and over 1 million dollars raised this year!

Good News: We're Moving!

2010-05-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

As you all know, we have been searching for a new place. And last week, we found the one! We are moving to a rent house right across the street from school! Seriously, we can walk to class. We are so happy! The tentative move date in mid June. The landlord wants to make some renovations after the current tenet moves out, which is fine with me. Thank you so much to everyone who kept looking for us, and sent us information on rent houses in the area. We really appreciate it! More pics will come once we are all moved in! YEY!

New Recipe

2010-04-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

So, If you're like me, your a little apprehensive about trying new recipes. Well, here is a new one for ya thats really quick and easy!!! (P.S. I usually half this recipe since its just the 2 of us! )

Salmon w/ Pesto Mayo

Ingredients:

4 Salmon Filets

1/4 c. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

2 Tbls lemon juice

2 Tsp Italian Seasoning

Pesto Mayo:

3 Tbls mayo

1 Tbls Prepared pesto (i used Bertolli)

Directions:

1. Preheat Broiler and line a baking sheet w/ aluminum foil

2. In a large zip-lock plastic bag, combine oil, lemon juice, and seasoning. Add salmon. Squeeze air from bag and seal. Gently massage bag to coat fish and set aside

3. For Pesto Mayo: stir together may and pesto. Remove salmon from bag, and place flesh side down on baking sheet. Broil fish 4-6 inches from heat for 3-4 min. Turn salmon and cook for another 4-6 min or until fish flakes when tested with a fork. Spoon the pesto mayo on top of the salmon.

I usually serve with white rice. This is very easy and delicious and can be made in under 2o min!!

Hope you enjoy!

Cadaver Ball

2010-04-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Last night was the Cadaver Ball. We had a great time! Here are the highlights:

End the night at Waffle House!!

Final Countdown!

2010-04-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

So, We have just over a month left of school! Thank God! I am soooo ready for summer. We just finished our Gross Anatomy class and took our final exam. I'm really glad Gross is over just because it was really starting to get GROSS!! Our final class is Neuroanatomy. I kinda like learning about the brain and how it works, however, my motivation to study is slowly dwindling as they days get closer and closer to summer vaca! I'm trying really hard to stay focused though.

In other news, we are currently looking for a rent house. We would love to buy a house, but I dont think we could get a loan seeing as how neither of us have any real income. Our friend Valorie recommended the house she is moving out of, but Hunter spoke to the Landlord and it didn't go well. He tried to charge us more than what Val pays now, and even after we told him we were not going to pay more than what Val pays, the conversation was pretty much over. No negotiation at all. Well, I had a good 15 min cry about things. I just let myself get really attached to the idea of moving into that house. I had started imagining what color I would paint our bedroom, and how we were going to arrange our furniture, and what flowers I wanted to plant in the yard. I know, I shouldn't have allowed myself to get start daydreaming all those things, but I want to get out of our apartment so bad!

Spring Break Part 1

2010-03-22T16:19:00.001-07:00

So We are spending the week in Beautiful Crested Butte, CO!

Day 1 started off pretty good. Stayed on the Greens all day, had to get used to the skis again. Day 2 However, did not go as well. Here are all the lifts I did:

And here are all the lifts that Hunter did:

No, I have not made it to this side of the mountain, but Hunter went with one of our friends, Justin to find more adventure while, Natalie and I played it safe.

Here are some other pics of the mountain:

Here's Me, looking good!!

Off With Your Head!

2010-03-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

So sometimes, during lab, I find myself very disturbed by some of the things they have us do. If you have a weak stomach, DO NOT continue reading...

so we are nearing the end of Gross Lab (Thank God!) and we are on the Head and Neck region. Well, Today we had to explore the nasal cavity. What does that entail? Well, We had to Remove the head from the vertebra and then cut the Face in half. Yep, right down the middle so we could see inside the nasal cavity. I mean, don't get me wrong. It is really cool to get to see the stuff that we get to see, But as I'm holding this head While Hunter takes a saw to it, I just couldn't help thinking "What are we doing!?!"

Before, I go any further, Please let me say, That we are Very, Extremely Grateful to all those people who graciously donated their bodies so that we may learn and become intelligent and capable Doctors one day!!!!

Today made me think of my brother Elliott. A few summers ago, he had to have major surgery to open up his sinus cavities. And i remember being in the doctors office when it was time to remove the packing. You know how clowns do that thing where they pull the scarves from their mouth and it seems to go on and on for ever. Well, imagine that, coming out of Elliott's nose!!! I'm serious, I could not believe how much gauze was coming out of his face!!! So today, we are examining the cavities and that was all I could think about. Where did that doctor stuff all that damn gauze!!!

Gross used to be my favorite class for two reasons. 1. I have hopes of being a surgeon one day, so I was super excited to start cutting on people. and 2. because the more lab time you have equals less lecture time!!! But now, I am just really over the smell and the decay! And the things we are dissecting are in a much smaller place than say, the abdomen, so nerves and vessels are getting harder and harder to find! only one more week after spring break and we are done!!!

Free Stuff

2010-03-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

Hey people, So my friend Chelsea is having a giveaway on her blog:
http://www.slonekerphotos.blogspot.com/
Check it out if you want to enter!!!

the Peds patient

2010-03-10T14:23:00.000-08:00

Pediatric Patient today. We got to experience what it was like to take a history for a kid, talking to the parent of course, but while the kid was interrupting, running around, grabbing things, etc.. our kid was actually pretty well behaved for a 3 yr old. However, I did not get the Peds bug today. I have never really felt that desire to work with kids. Probably because i'm not very sympathetic. Mom, you know i get that from you. We'd come in with like a cut, spurting blood, and mom would be like "eww, that looks bad... oh well, you're ok!" LOL. So, i guess my kids are doomed, cause I'll be the same way! Also, I dont have much patience for other people's kids when they are misbehaving. Excuse me, but i just think when you are at a restaurant and your kid is throwing a fit, you should excuse yourself and the annoying child from the table so as not to disturb the other diners and deal with the kid!!! So, with all that put together, I probably would not make a very good pediatrician!

Peds surgery tho... thats another story. But word on the street is that is the Hardest field to get into. Like they only accept 20 people in the whole country to become a Peds surgeon. Or something like that.

Now for some med school updates

2010-02-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

So here's what we've been up to:

I absolutely love Gross Anatomy! My favorite class ever! I could be in the gross lab every day!
Microanatomy- eh, not my fav, but its ok
Physiology- Hate!!!

All the upperclassmen keep telling us that med school is on a different wavelength, and all you have to do is figure out how to study and then its easy (or at least not as hard). Well, no one seems to be sharing this secret on "how to study." I guess that its different for everybody. But i'd really like to figure it out for physiology. Although, the NBME (finals) is in 3 weeks, so i guess its too late. I'm just trying to keep my head afloat! I do NOT want to retake this class. Please, please let me pass the NBME so i dont have to repeat!

Well, here are some fun things we have gotten to do in Gross:
as you saw from the last post, we cut out the intestines and cleaned out the poop
One day we had to cut our body in half! and that was me with the saw thank you very much!
Recently we've been on the pelvic region, so we had to cut a penis in half. Our body is female, so we just had to observe that one!
I am super excited about the pelvic region cause we all know that i'm aiming to be a gyno!

Next week we get to learn how to do the pelvic exam. I am so excited!!!

The Ruie Poop Story

2010-02-03T17:15:00.000-08:00

OK, for those of you that still check this thing, if you haven't heard the Ruie story, here it is:

So on one of the end tables in our living room is a bowl of chocolates. Its been there ever since we've been married. Ruie has NEVER bothered it. In fact, the dog has never had people food. She wont go near it, even if we tried to give her some. So one day, I come home from school to fine that Ruie has had diarrhea and vomiting at least 12 times all over our living room and kitchen. Now when i say everywhere, let me paint you a picture! Seriously, I could not walk through my house without having to strategically plan my next step. And the smell!!! Oh my gosh... The Smell! So, i get on the phone and I call Hunter. I'm near Hysterics right now, and I am telling him to get home NOW. Of course he does not realize the magnitude of the mess awaiting him. So he walks in expecting one or 2 piles. Ha! He immediately has to turn around and go find somewhere to rent a Rug Doctor! I stay behind to attempt to clean the kitchen floor. All the time, poor Ruie has been locked in the bathroom, just in case she wasn't finished. Hunter makes it back with the Rug Doctor and It takes 3 hours to clean our carpet. THREE hours. and if you've been to our apartment, you know its not a big place. Oh, and how did we know it was chocolate that made her sick? Well, it wasnt because the bowl was empty. When Hunter started cleaning up the carpet, he noticed some shiny sliver pieces in the poo. From what he was able to deduce, she only had 3 Hershey Kisses. So she was in no danger of being really sick, but we were still concerned. So that was Wednesday.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday goes along. Still some bathroom problems, but not in the house, only when she went outside.

Sunday:
its sunday night and we are watching tv in our bedroom, and Ruie is laying in the bed with us. She hadnt had any more accidents so we thought she would be fine with us while we watched tv. Except that we both fell asleep with her on the bed... Big Mistake! I wake up around 4 am and there is this terrible smell. I wake up Hunter and tell him Ruie needs to go out now, she has bad gas. So i get up and turn on the light, and it wasn't gas! yep, it was diarrhea, in my bed. My BED!!! and Poor Ruie didnt even know she had done it, because she was asleep lying in it. So when Hunter finally sees the bed, and He jumps out of it, well this wakes up Ruie so she jumps out of the bed. And what do dogs to when they wake up... They shake. And there goes poo, all over our walls!! It was bad! He throws her in the shower, i start taking off the sheets and putting them in the washer. I put our comforter in a trashbag to be taken to the dry cleaners the next day, and then i get started on cleaning the walls. :( Then, we finally get back into bed around 5:30 am.
Monday:
We over sleep, obviously. we dont have time to shower, so we just grab the comforter, grab our backpacks and get in the car. We make it to the dry cleaners and start telling the lady what happened. Her first response is. "well, is it dry?" Hunter's like I dont know! its been in the bag. Now for those of you who know Hunter, He is usually slow to get angry, but when he does get angry (not at me ofcourse) it is really funny, cause its a rare thing! Anyway, after arguing with her for a few minutes about the differences in biohazards being wet or dry, she refuses to take it. So now, we are 15 min late to class with a poopy comforter. WE dont have time to go back to home, so we have to open it up in the car, crack the windows, and just leave it.

We finally make it to class, and today we have lab in the morning. We walk into lab to find out that today is the day that we get to dissect the intestines, cut them out, and clean out the poop!!!

My heart sank.

2009-12-14T21:21:00.001-08:00

So, I havent written in awhile, for a couple of reasons. I am suffering from severe buyers remorse. I'm really starting to wonder if this is the place for me. I mean I try to keep telling myself that God has put me here for a reason, and I'm trying to just in His judgement and not my own, but it is so hard when I feel I'm not being successful.

I came from having a 3.9 GPA to finishing my first 2 classes here with a C average. That was especially hard since one of my classes was a 79.4!!!!! I was devastated. Now I am in the next segment (Anatomy, Microanatomy, and Physiology) and I'm still not doing better. And to top it all off, the last test we had was in Physiology was a disaster. Everyone kept saying that engineers do really well on this test because its all about manipulating variables and not just rote memorization and I did worse than the class average!

So, I'm really starting to doubt my abilities here. Dont get me wrong, i know that I cant always be the best or anything like that. And I know that there are always going to be those people that make straight A's and never study. But knowing those facts that doesnt make it any easier to deal with. I just want to do better, but i honestly dont know how.

I just wish that I had more to show for all the work that I do. I mean i am giving up time with my husband, time with my family, time with my friends, time for my self! all for what? C's? ? That sucks!!! I have this nightmare that I'm never going to get into residency because they are going to look at my grades and say I'm not good enough!

I do have a degree in mechanical engineering.....

Finally Finished!

2009-09-29T17:44:00.001-07:00

Well, today we took our Biochem final! I'm so happy to finally be done w/ these 2 classes. I feel like I have just come out of a hypnotic trance. Its Like I know I studied and learned things for the past 8 weeks, but I just dont remember all of it. Except, you know when you wake from being hypnotized you're supposed to feel refreshed, well, i just feel exhausted. I mean we took our last test on friday, and then we had all weekend to study for our final! Well, yea right! I mean did they honestly expect us to give it 100% right after an exam. Well of course I didnt study Sat or Sun, but I did study all day/night monday. But this test was hard! I mean its a national standardized test, so of course it was hard. But I only had to make above the 5th Percentile to keep my C. But I really did want to make a B on the test. So we will just have to wait and see. Grades dont come back until after Fall Break. Which did I mention, I'm super excited about Fall Break! Its gonna be so awesome, getting to get away from stress and studying and just have a week of fun w/ my husband. Yea, my husband. It's like, who's that person? I mean, Thank God we live in the same house, or we probably really wouldnt see eachother. I really do feel bad for the other married people in our class. They really are sacrificing! But I'm really looking forward to this vacation and just enjoying Hunter's company. We really dont have anything planned. It was really a last minute trip for us. So we are just going to jump on the Metro every morning and just figure it out! lol! Well, check back next week and I will put up pics of D.C.

P.S.

did i mention that we have a quiz when we get back from Fall Break! Looks like I'm studying on the plane! Oh well, I guess that's my life right now! Cant catch a break!

Finally New Furniture!

2009-09-19T16:07:00.001-07:00

Media Chest

Dresser, we have the mirror, we just havent put it on yet

Hunter's nightstand

The Bed

My nightstand. And they come with this sliding tray on the top drawer

Chest thats in the closet

Head for the Cure

2009-09-17T09:13:00.001-07:00

So after the Exam, hunter and I crashed. Literally, we went to bed at 7:30 pm! But the next day we got in the car and drove to MO to participate in Head for the Cure 5K to raise money for Brain Cancer Research. It was an awesome experience. To meet all these other families who have gone thru the same thing we have. Hunter's sister McKinzie has started working with the Head for the Cure President to get a race going here in AR. We are very excited to be part of this great organization and get the word out about Brain Cancer. It probably wont happen till sometime next year, there is alot of stuff to do and people to contact. I hope that all of you reading this will come to the race and show your support, even if you don't want to walk/run in it. I know it would mean alot to Hunter.

Exam 2, Good news.

2009-09-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well, good news, I'm not a total loser anymore. So Exam 2 was much better than Exam 1. Overall I got a B on the test, but after they broke it down into the individual tests I ended up with a C in Biochem and a B in Cell. YEY! I was very happy to see that my class rank has gone up as well! You will also be glad to know that I did do better than Hunter this time! Woo Hoo! Not much better, but I was still excited. I guess a little healthy competition never hurt anyone, right? Not to dis Hunter, but It is just so frustrating to know that He is watching tv, while I am studying my butt off, and He still does better than me. But not this time. Even though my grade was only 2 points higher, that's still higher. LOL!

OK, Funny Story... Finally

2009-09-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

Yey, so I finally have something funny to blog about instead of always sounding so depressed. So today we had an "emergency" in class. At the end of one of our lectures, the two teachers were about to walk out when some people started screaming. We all looked over in that direction, expecting to see some sort of fight or something, but just saw a bunch of people looking down at something. Well, what happened is that a girl passed out. So one teacher runs up the stairs to asses the situation while the other teacher pulls out her cell phone to call 911. I can hear the teacher on her phone saying "We have a student down in the Ed 2 building!" Now apparently the dispatcher had no idea of where we were, even though we are in a classroom located right next to the emergency room. It would have been faster for Hunter to just throw this girl over his shoulder and run 50 feet than to wait on an ambulance. All the while the other teacher who went to "asses" just stands there looking on while 2 students try to wake the girl. Sometime during the madness someone went into the hallway for help, and a real MD just happened to be walking by and came in to assist. The Dr concluded that the girl was just experiencing low blood sugar and tiredness (we have our second exam in 3 days). Told her to go home and rest. Anyway, just thought it was funny... a room full over students all at least CPR and basic first aid certified and 2 teachers 20 feet in front of a hospital and it seemed like no body knew what to do! Well, in my defense, she was on the other side of the room!

Always Kiss me Goodnight...Except...

2009-09-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

Always Kiss me Goodnight.... unless I go to bed 2 hours before you and you stumble thru the dark trying to find me and end up smacking me right in the face, and then I jump from being scared and knock my nose right into your forehead!! Now my eyes are watering and I'm flustered.

Me- "what are you doing?"

You- "What?"

Me- "Why are you waking me up?"

You- "I was being sweet!"

Me- "Sweet? I think my nose is broken! "

You- "well i thought you wanted me to wake you up!"

Me- "you thought i wanted to be woken up?"

You- "yea! so i can kiss you goodnight!"

Me- "well as nice as that is, No i dont want you to wake me up. Sleep is a precious commodity right now, and we cannot afford to loose it!"

We laugh. You apologize, kiss my nose, and plop your head on the pillow. Only the problem now is that as soon as you lay your head on the pillow, you are asleep, instantly. Joys of being a man i guess. But as for me, now I'm staring at the ceiling, WIDE awake thanks to you, watching the minutes go by. PS. its 2 AM. And now all i can think about is that i was sleeping just fine till you rolled into bed and I only have 4 1/2 hours to catch some zzzz's before I have to get up get ready and study before class. So on second thought. How bout when I go to bed before you, I kiss you goodnight then, not this 2 hours later disaster.

And I thought the MCAT was hard... Exam 1

2009-08-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we took our first test, and lets just say it could have been worse. 2 weeks of studying 6 hours a day (outside of class) and a whole weekend of studying for 24 hours, and, well, Basically I got a D! So looking on the bright side I didn't fail. LOL! Hunter however got a C. You all know how that went. I studied twice as much as he did and he still did better than me. It's a good thing I like him, cause that really makes me mad. So here's the break down: We had 3 and half hours to answer 134 questions. It took me 3 hours... it took Hunter 1.5. Disgusting I know. When he got up I was thinking to myself, he better be going to the bathroom. 10 minutes later, I was thinking, That Bastard! He's finished!! I hate him! Its basically 3 hours of excruciating pain and when you hit submit, there's your score. A measure of how much you suck at life. Or how awesome you are, I just happen to be at the suck end! But its not over yet. See, we are on an integrated system. Meaning of the 134 questions, 58 of them were from Cell, and 76 of them were from BioChem. So now the computer has to break down my percentage from each category. So even though I got a D overall, that's not my final score. So its gonna get a lot worse. I dont have those scores yet. Then Hunter and I decided the perfect way to relax after a long, upsetting day would be to go Grocery Shopping and pay some bills. Isn't the real world Great! You should have seen us at WalMart. We were pathetic. It was not a good idea to go anywhere involving brain power. What should have taken us 45 min ended up taking 2 hours. We just walked up and down the isles, staring off into space, picking things up, putting them back down. Hunter kept walking really slow. We couldnt remember what we needed, even though i had the list in my hand the whole time. So later that night, we end up going out with the rest of our class. We all needed a few drinks after today. So ofcourse everyone wants to talk about the test, and how they did, which is the last thing I want to tell people. But here it is, the light at the end of the tunnel: So i'm feeling bad hearing all these people tell me how "great" they did, and then one guy (named Hunter als0) is like, "well you looked at the old tests, right?" And i said no, why would I, we're on a new system, so the old tests wouldnt help, would they? Uh yea! Apparently they did. Hallelujah! Thank God! I'm not stupid, all these people aren't way smarter than me, they just had a competitive advantage. Well, don't worry. I'm gonna get my hands on those for next time. I guess I just didnt realize how Med School was going to be like the undergrad. But if they are going to use them, then so will I. Grades are everything if I want to be Matched w/ a Good Residency program!

Remember why you're here???

2009-08-18T15:42:00.000-07:00

So here lately I have been picking up on a theme with the professors and upperclassmen: Getting involved in activities that will remind you of why you are here.

They keep talking about volunteering and getting involved in the community so you can stay motivated. Of course I think volunteering is important and all, but this has gotten me thinking:

Is this going to really be that bad, that I sink so low, I can't even remember why I signed up for this in the first place???

And then I think that it will be. I think it will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it will be daily challenge.....

Well, I guess its a good thing I am addicted to challenges.

LOL!

Answer for Kacee

2009-08-17T15:23:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not taking Spanish classes. I just feel sometimes that they are speaking in another language. Which i guess technically they are. But I look around the room and people are nodding their heads and Hunter says, Ya I've already heard this stuff, and I just feel so lost!!! I mean I know some of the stuff they are talking about. Take for instance Mitosis and Meiosis (cell division). You may remember some of that from college Biology or even high school biology. But remember all those times your teacher said, "Oh were not going to get into specifics, just know the basics....." Well now I get to learn all the specifics, down to every minute detail! And then they start talking fast cause they have 45 slides to get through in an hour and my head starts spinning and I just feel like I stepped into an intermediate level foreign language class.

Hope that helps clear things up!

10 Percent

2009-08-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

So you know how after a really hard work out you can get muscle cramps?... well the other night after a long night of studying I was laying in bed and my head started to hurt. But this was not your typical headache, I swear this was a muscle cramp in my brain!!!! Seriously! So I started thinking about how they say we only use 10% of our brains and I've decided that has to be incorrect. I have to be using more than that! At least 11%.

PS.

My grades did finally post. I made A's on both my quizzes. But before you go off acting all proud and stuff. This was just a gimme quiz. It was only 18 questions and some of them were just plain easy. It is in no way any indication of how I will do on the first Exam. Which is next monday by the way. Am i scared... NO, I am terrified. I sit in a room full of people who already know all this stuff, or at least they act like they do, and its all new to me!!! Nothing like going to med school to make you feel really stupid.

Speaking of feeling stupid or at least inadequate. Today our lecturer was an orthopedic surgeon discussing Stem Cells. (dont worry, not going to use this post as my soap box, at least not today!) And alot of what he is saying is Super interesting, about what they can do, what they cannot do, and the research people are still developing. Then after about 15 minutes of lecture he says, "Now don't worry about some of this stuff, you wont be tested over it, I just feel it's important you know about it since your in medicine." And I'm like DUDE! I only have 10% of my brain to fit in all this information. Do NOT start clouding it up with things I wont be tested over!!!!!

What is it like?

2009-08-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

So in case you were wondering what it is like to be a med student, here is the best example i can come up with. Lets say you look at the syllabus and tomorrows lecture is over "The Princess and the Pea". And you think to yourself, great, i remember that story. Maybe not word for word, but prince looking for wife, puts pea under the bed, marries the girl that is honest about it... blah blah. ok, then you get into class and the slides look like this:

Érase una vez un príncipe que quería casarse con una princesa, pero que fuese una princesa de verdad. En su busca recorrió todo el mundo, mas siempre había algún pero. Princesas había muchas, mas nunca lograba asegurarse de que lo fueran de veras; cada vez encontraba algo que le parecía sospechoso. Así regresó a su casa muy triste, pues estaba empeñado en encontrar a una princesa auténtica.

Una tarde estalló una terrible tempestad; sucedíanse sin interrupción los rayos y los truenos, y llovía a cántaros; era un tiempo espantoso. En éstas llamaron a la puerta de la ciudad, y el anciano Rey acudió a abrir.

Una princesa estaba en la puerta; pero ¡santo Dios, cómo la habían puesto la lluvia y el mal tiempo! El agua le chorreaba por el cabello y los vestidos, se le metía por las cañas de los zapatos y le salía por los tacones; pero ella afirmaba que era una princesa verdadera.....

AHHHH!!! Scary right! so i'm listening to a lecture in a foreign language, and now i have to go home and try to look up all this stuff. Try to memorize it, Try to understand it. and then be ready for even more tomorrow. Oh and did i mention that there are literally 1000+ slides that i will have looked at before my First Exam? And you have to know every single one cause they are all important.

How am i supposed to manage this, i have no idea!!

Day 3, Quiz 1

2009-08-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

So we had our first Quiz today, 18 questions. I'm gonna be honest. i studied harder for this quiz, than i did on some of my Final exams during my undergrad. I hope that is NOT foreshadowing of things to come. I hope that I just put in more effort than necessary and that as we go along, i wont have to work as hard. Yea Right!!! Wishful thinking on my part. No grades posted yet, i'll keep you updated though.

Back to the grind.

Mission

2009-08-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

This mission should we choose to except is as follows:

Graduate from Med School in 4 years without hating eachother!

Seems simple enough, right? Wrong! With the divorce rate in this country already at 50% and even higher for people in the medical field, we are starting with a huge disadvantage with both of us wanting to become doctors. So far we have been happily married for 7 wonderful months. High school sweethearts and all that cute stuff. Most people say we are crazy trying to go through med school at the same time.

But, we are bound and determined to find a way.

So, feel free to follow along on our journey as we attempt to make it as the Newly Meds.