So, I havent written in awhile, for a couple of reasons. I am suffering from severe buyers remorse. I'm really starting to wonder if this is the place for me. I mean I try to keep telling myself that God has put me here for a reason, and I'm trying to just in His judgement and not my own, but it is so hard when I feel I'm not being successful.

I came from having a 3.9 GPA to finishing my first 2 classes here with a C average. That was especially hard since one of my classes was a 79.4!!!!! I was devastated. Now I am in the next segment (Anatomy, Microanatomy, and Physiology) and I'm still not doing better. And to top it all off, the last test we had was in Physiology was a disaster. Everyone kept saying that engineers do really well on this test because its all about manipulating variables and not just rote memorization and I did worse than the class average!

So, I'm really starting to doubt my abilities here. Dont get me wrong, i know that I cant always be the best or anything like that. And I know that there are always going to be those people that make straight A's and never study. But knowing those facts that doesnt make it any easier to deal with. I just want to do better, but i honestly dont know how.

I just wish that I had more to show for all the work that I do. I mean i am giving up time with my husband, time with my family, time with my friends, time for my self! all for what? C's? ? That sucks!!! I have this nightmare that I'm never going to get into residency because they are going to look at my grades and say I'm not good enough!

I do have a degree in mechanical engineering.....