So, I havent written in awhile, for a couple of reasons. I am suffering from severe buyers remorse. I'm really starting to wonder if this is the place for me. I mean I try to keep telling myself that God has put me here for a reason, and I'm trying to just in His judgement and not my own, but it is so hard when I feel I'm not being successful.

I came from having a 3.9 GPA to finishing my first 2 classes here with a C average. That was especially hard since one of my classes was a 79.4!!!!! I was devastated. Now I am in the next segment (Anatomy, Microanatomy, and Physiology) and I'm still not doing better. And to top it all off, the last test we had was in Physiology was a disaster. Everyone kept saying that engineers do really well on this test because its all about manipulating variables and not just rote memorization and I did worse than the class average!

So, I'm really starting to doubt my abilities here. Dont get me wrong, i know that I cant always be the best or anything like that. And I know that there are always going to be those people that make straight A's and never study. But knowing those facts that doesnt make it any easier to deal with. I just want to do better, but i honestly dont know how.

I just wish that I had more to show for all the work that I do. I mean i am giving up time with my husband, time with my family, time with my friends, time for my self! all for what? C's? ? That sucks!!! I have this nightmare that I'm never going to get into residency because they are going to look at my grades and say I'm not good enough!

I do have a degree in mechanical engineering.....

Finally Finished!

Well, today we took our Biochem final! I'm so happy to finally be done w/ these 2 classes. I feel like I have just come out of a hypnotic trance. Its Like I know I studied and learned things for the past 8 weeks, but I just dont remember all of it. Except, you know when you wake from being hypnotized you're supposed to feel refreshed, well, i just feel exhausted. I mean we took our last test on friday, and then we had all weekend to study for our final! Well, yea right! I mean did they honestly expect us to give it 100% right after an exam. Well of course I didnt study Sat or Sun, but I did study all day/night monday. But this test was hard! I mean its a national standardized test, so of course it was hard. But I only had to make above the 5th Percentile to keep my C. But I really did want to make a B on the test. So we will just have to wait and see. Grades dont come back until after Fall Break. Which did I mention, I'm super excited about Fall Break! Its gonna be so awesome, getting to get away from stress and studying and just have a week of fun w/ my husband. Yea, my husband. It's like, who's that person? I mean, Thank God we live in the same house, or we probably really wouldnt see eachother. I really do feel bad for the other married people in our class. They really are sacrificing! But I'm really looking forward to this vacation and just enjoying Hunter's company. We really dont have anything planned. It was really a last minute trip for us. So we are just going to jump on the Metro every morning and just figure it out! lol! Well, check back next week and I will put up pics of D.C.

P.S.

did i mention that we have a quiz when we get back from Fall Break! Looks like I'm studying on the plane! Oh well, I guess that's my life right now! Cant catch a break!

Finally New Furniture!

Media Chest

Dresser, we have the mirror, we just havent put it on yet

Hunter's nightstand

The Bed

My nightstand. And they come with this sliding tray on the top drawer

Chest thats in the closet

Head for the Cure

So after the Exam, hunter and I crashed. Literally, we went to bed at 7:30 pm! But the next day we got in the car and drove to MO to participate in Head for the Cure 5K to raise money for Brain Cancer Research. It was an awesome experience. To meet all these other families who have gone thru the same thing we have. Hunter's sister McKinzie has started working with the Head for the Cure President to get a race going here in AR. We are very excited to be part of this great organization and get the word out about Brain Cancer. It probably wont happen till sometime next year, there is alot of stuff to do and people to contact. I hope that all of you reading this will come to the race and show your support, even if you don't want to walk/run in it. I know it would mean alot to Hunter.

Exam 2, Good news.

Well, good news, I'm not a total loser anymore. So Exam 2 was much better than Exam 1. Overall I got a B on the test, but after they broke it down into the individual tests I ended up with a C in Biochem and a B in Cell. YEY! I was very happy to see that my class rank has gone up as well! You will also be glad to know that I did do better than Hunter this time! Woo Hoo! Not much better, but I was still excited. I guess a little healthy competition never hurt anyone, right? Not to dis Hunter, but It is just so frustrating to know that He is watching tv, while I am studying my butt off, and He still does better than me. But not this time. Even though my grade was only 2 points higher, that's still higher. LOL!

OK, Funny Story... Finally

Yey, so I finally have something funny to blog about instead of always sounding so depressed. So today we had an "emergency" in class. At the end of one of our lectures, the two teachers were about to walk out when some people started screaming. We all looked over in that direction, expecting to see some sort of fight or something, but just saw a bunch of people looking down at something. Well, what happened is that a girl passed out. So one teacher runs up the stairs to asses the situation while the other teacher pulls out her cell phone to call 911. I can hear the teacher on her phone saying "We have a student down in the Ed 2 building!" Now apparently the dispatcher had no idea of where we were, even though we are in a classroom located right next to the emergency room. It would have been faster for Hunter to just throw this girl over his shoulder and run 50 feet than to wait on an ambulance. All the while the other teacher who went to "asses" just stands there looking on while 2 students try to wake the girl. Sometime during the madness someone went into the hallway for help, and a real MD just happened to be walking by and came in to assist. The Dr concluded that the girl was just experiencing low blood sugar and tiredness (we have our second exam in 3 days). Told her to go home and rest. Anyway, just thought it was funny... a room full over students all at least CPR and basic first aid certified and 2 teachers 20 feet in front of a hospital and it seemed like no body knew what to do! Well, in my defense, she was on the other side of the room!

Always Kiss me Goodnight...Except...

Always Kiss me Goodnight.... unless I go to bed 2 hours before you and you stumble thru the dark trying to find me and end up smacking me right in the face, and then I jump from being scared and knock my nose right into your forehead!! Now my eyes are watering and I'm flustered.

Me- "what are you doing?"

You- "What?"

Me- "Why are you waking me up?"

You- "I was being sweet!"

Me- "Sweet? I think my nose is broken! "

You- "well i thought you wanted me to wake you up!"

Me- "you thought i wanted to be woken up?"

You- "yea! so i can kiss you goodnight!"

Me- "well as nice as that is, No i dont want you to wake me up. Sleep is a precious commodity right now, and we cannot afford to loose it!"

We laugh. You apologize, kiss my nose, and plop your head on the pillow. Only the problem now is that as soon as you lay your head on the pillow, you are asleep, instantly. Joys of being a man i guess. But as for me, now I'm staring at the ceiling, WIDE awake thanks to you, watching the minutes go by. PS. its 2 AM. And now all i can think about is that i was sleeping just fine till you rolled into bed and I only have 4 1/2 hours to catch some zzzz's before I have to get up get ready and study before class. So on second thought. How bout when I go to bed before you, I kiss you goodnight then, not this 2 hours later disaster.

And I thought the MCAT was hard... Exam 1

Ok, so we took our first test, and lets just say it could have been worse. 2 weeks of studying 6 hours a day (outside of class) and a whole weekend of studying for 24 hours, and, well, Basically I got a D! So looking on the bright side I didn't fail. LOL! Hunter however got a C. You all know how that went. I studied twice as much as he did and he still did better than me. It's a good thing I like him, cause that really makes me mad. So here's the break down: We had 3 and half hours to answer 134 questions. It took me 3 hours... it took Hunter 1.5. Disgusting I know. When he got up I was thinking to myself, he better be going to the bathroom. 10 minutes later, I was thinking, That Bastard! He's finished!! I hate him! Its basically 3 hours of excruciating pain and when you hit submit, there's your score. A measure of how much you suck at life. Or how awesome you are, I just happen to be at the suck end! But its not over yet. See, we are on an integrated system. Meaning of the 134 questions, 58 of them were from Cell, and 76 of them were from BioChem. So now the computer has to break down my percentage from each category. So even though I got a D overall, that's not my final score. So its gonna get a lot worse. I dont have those scores yet. Then Hunter and I decided the perfect way to relax after a long, upsetting day would be to go Grocery Shopping and pay some bills. Isn't the real world Great! You should have seen us at WalMart. We were pathetic. It was not a good idea to go anywhere involving brain power. What should have taken us 45 min ended up taking 2 hours. We just walked up and down the isles, staring off into space, picking things up, putting them back down. Hunter kept walking really slow. We couldnt remember what we needed, even though i had the list in my hand the whole time. So later that night, we end up going out with the rest of our class. We all needed a few drinks after today. So ofcourse everyone wants to talk about the test, and how they did, which is the last thing I want to tell people. But here it is, the light at the end of the tunnel: So i'm feeling bad hearing all these people tell me how "great" they did, and then one guy (named Hunter als0) is like, "well you looked at the old tests, right?" And i said no, why would I, we're on a new system, so the old tests wouldnt help, would they? Uh yea! Apparently they did. Hallelujah! Thank God! I'm not stupid, all these people aren't way smarter than me, they just had a competitive advantage. Well, don't worry. I'm gonna get my hands on those for next time. I guess I just didnt realize how Med School was going to be like the undergrad. But if they are going to use them, then so will I. Grades are everything if I want to be Matched w/ a Good Residency program!

Remember why you're here???

So here lately I have been picking up on a theme with the professors and upperclassmen: Getting involved in activities that will remind you of why you are here.

They keep talking about volunteering and getting involved in the community so you can stay motivated. Of course I think volunteering is important and all, but this has gotten me thinking:

Is this going to really be that bad, that I sink so low, I can't even remember why I signed up for this in the first place???

And then I think that it will be. I think it will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it will be daily challenge.....

Well, I guess its a good thing I am addicted to challenges.

LOL!

Answer for Kacee

No, I'm not taking Spanish classes. I just feel sometimes that they are speaking in another language. Which i guess technically they are. But I look around the room and people are nodding their heads and Hunter says, Ya I've already heard this stuff, and I just feel so lost!!! I mean I know some of the stuff they are talking about. Take for instance Mitosis and Meiosis (cell division). You may remember some of that from college Biology or even high school biology. But remember all those times your teacher said, "Oh were not going to get into specifics, just know the basics....." Well now I get to learn all the specifics, down to every minute detail! And then they start talking fast cause they have 45 slides to get through in an hour and my head starts spinning and I just feel like I stepped into an intermediate level foreign language class.

Hope that helps clear things up!

10 Percent

So you know how after a really hard work out you can get muscle cramps?... well the other night after a long night of studying I was laying in bed and my head started to hurt. But this was not your typical headache, I swear this was a muscle cramp in my brain!!!! Seriously! So I started thinking about how they say we only use 10% of our brains and I've decided that has to be incorrect. I have to be using more than that! At least 11%.

PS.

My grades did finally post. I made A's on both my quizzes. But before you go off acting all proud and stuff. This was just a gimme quiz. It was only 18 questions and some of them were just plain easy. It is in no way any indication of how I will do on the first Exam. Which is next monday by the way. Am i scared... NO, I am terrified. I sit in a room full of people who already know all this stuff, or at least they act like they do, and its all new to me!!! Nothing like going to med school to make you feel really stupid.

Speaking of feeling stupid or at least inadequate. Today our lecturer was an orthopedic surgeon discussing Stem Cells. (dont worry, not going to use this post as my soap box, at least not today!) And alot of what he is saying is Super interesting, about what they can do, what they cannot do, and the research people are still developing. Then after about 15 minutes of lecture he says, "Now don't worry about some of this stuff, you wont be tested over it, I just feel it's important you know about it since your in medicine." And I'm like DUDE! I only have 10% of my brain to fit in all this information. Do NOT start clouding it up with things I wont be tested over!!!!!

What is it like?

So in case you were wondering what it is like to be a med student, here is the best example i can come up with. Lets say you look at the syllabus and tomorrows lecture is over "The Princess and the Pea". And you think to yourself, great, i remember that story. Maybe not word for word, but prince looking for wife, puts pea under the bed, marries the girl that is honest about it... blah blah. ok, then you get into class and the slides look like this:

Érase una vez un príncipe que quería casarse con una princesa, pero que fuese una princesa de verdad. En su busca recorrió todo el mundo, mas siempre había algún pero. Princesas había muchas, mas nunca lograba asegurarse de que lo fueran de veras; cada vez encontraba algo que le parecía sospechoso. Así regresó a su casa muy triste, pues estaba empeñado en encontrar a una princesa auténtica.

Una tarde estalló una terrible tempestad; sucedíanse sin interrupción los rayos y los truenos, y llovía a cántaros; era un tiempo espantoso. En éstas llamaron a la puerta de la ciudad, y el anciano Rey acudió a abrir.

Una princesa estaba en la puerta; pero ¡santo Dios, cómo la habían puesto la lluvia y el mal tiempo! El agua le chorreaba por el cabello y los vestidos, se le metía por las cañas de los zapatos y le salía por los tacones; pero ella afirmaba que era una princesa verdadera.....

AHHHH!!! Scary right! so i'm listening to a lecture in a foreign language, and now i have to go home and try to look up all this stuff. Try to memorize it, Try to understand it. and then be ready for even more tomorrow. Oh and did i mention that there are literally 1000+ slides that i will have looked at before my First Exam? And you have to know every single one cause they are all important.

How am i supposed to manage this, i have no idea!!

Day 3, Quiz 1

So we had our first Quiz today, 18 questions. I'm gonna be honest. i studied harder for this quiz, than i did on some of my Final exams during my undergrad. I hope that is NOT foreshadowing of things to come. I hope that I just put in more effort than necessary and that as we go along, i wont have to work as hard. Yea Right!!! Wishful thinking on my part. No grades posted yet, i'll keep you updated though.

Back to the grind.

Mission

This mission should we choose to except is as follows:

Graduate from Med School in 4 years without hating eachother!

Seems simple enough, right? Wrong! With the divorce rate in this country already at 50% and even higher for people in the medical field, we are starting with a huge disadvantage with both of us wanting to become doctors. So far we have been happily married for 7 wonderful months. High school sweethearts and all that cute stuff. Most people say we are crazy trying to go through med school at the same time.

But, we are bound and determined to find a way.

So, feel free to follow along on our journey as we attempt to make it as the Newly Meds.